elder #1 - former father in law of our daughter in law's sister, and 75 years old.
elder #2: wt conductor at our former congregation.
blah blah blah .
Glad it's over sweetie. Looks like you and Dave managed to avoid the pitfalls they had laid for you. Good for you!!! I don't know how you held back, I don't know if I could have LOL!
It's so encouraging to know that the blah blah blah of the loving blah blah has not changed, makes me glad that I'm still out, and not in. ;)
love ya much! :)
essie
hi everyone, this is my first post.. i have come to this site for almost 2 months but have been too scared to post... don't really know what i'm scared of but i even set up a different hotmail account when i registered... anyway, i'm a 19/f who was raised a jw (baptised a year ago).
i was homeschooled, and basically had no communication with the "world" even though my father is an unbeliever.
my parents were divorced last year (unscriptual divorce from my jw mother).. and now i'm living with my dad and have not spoken to my mom, not because i have doubts about the truth (she doesn't know) but because she was a hypocrit and liar through the divorce.
Hi sweetie, welcome to the forum.
I just discovered this thread, or I would've posted to it earlier. I agree with those who have said the best way to go is to read everything online you can, about the way the organization is really run and experiences of those who have left. Most of all you have to know that you're not alone!
You are fortunate to be waking up so young; though it may seem scary right now, believe me, there are many who don't listen to those nagging doubts in their teens/twenties and later on regret that they wasted years living a life they didn't want. You have your whole life ahead of you, you are resilient, you will survive. And you will thrive!
I finally got out at 25, but by then I was married, with a child, (not that I regret either because I wouldn't trade my child for anything) But I think sometimes how different my life could've been if I'd left at 19 and taken the music scholarship I was offered. Don't look back with regrets later...believe me, leaving the organization will not be one of them if you go. You've gotten a lot of good advice here, print it out and carry it with you if you can, that way it'll be with you wherever you go.
Sounds like we may have a lot in common with the way we were raised. I'm sending all good wishes your way, and hope that you will read, read, and read some more. Freeminds is the best place to start, and silentlambs. Once you do that, you can't unlearn what you've learned and it makes leaving a choice, not a burden. Freedom is WONDERFUL, don't let it frighten you.
hugs
essie
ok, folks, this yet another of those "what do you think of american ******?".
i thought i'd take a peek at the issue of sentimentality.
as you know, us brits are a stiff-upper lip emotionally constipated bunch .
Okay. As a woman who cries at Disney movies and Hallmark card commercials, I am amazed that song didn't effect me, in the least. Seems to me the kid should've known his mum's value before writing that little bill up for her!
But I have a story that may very well get to even the toughest here. This really happened, the other night.
My daughter, knowing I was feeling very low this week over JW related family stuff... well, when I was brushing her hair to put into curlers for the upcoming family event she was going to, (she had asked me if I wanted her to stay home. I said no, you were invited you should go if you want to. She said "I don't want to think of you being sad, Mom." and I said "everyone gets sad sometimes, honey, and this has nothing to do with you. Go, and have fun." and I meant it but I digress)
Anyway, while I was rolling her hair up, she started running her little hand up and down my arm and singing "You are my sunshine" to me.
When she was done, she said "Mom, you'll always be my sunshine. I love you."
Kleenex, anyone??!!!
~essie
as sentimental (or mental, your choice) as they come.
today's a bad day for me.
usually i'm the pillar of strength to mrs ozzie who sheds a tear for her kidnapped children each day.
it's been more than a year since the borg sent a henchman with a word from bethel to tell us they'd "got our kids".
(((((((((((((((Ozzie, Mrs.Ozzie))))))))))))))))
Old friend, I am so sorry for your pain. It's not right, it's not fair, and you so do not deserve this.
This has been a horrible weekend for me as well, being the only member of my family excluded from a favorite relatives wedding (and believe me, the never baptized-but-totally-wild- members of the family were all there, just cause they didn't get dunked as a kid I guess it makes their behaviour okay...) My heart goes out to you both.
I cannot even fathom the pain you are going through. As a parent, my fear now is that somehow the Borg will get to my young daughter, that someday the day will come when she decides I am no longer fit company, but all I can do is love her, love her, and love her some more to hope that it won't happen. She's little, I hope I have a chance with her. She sees every day the pain that shunning causes me, and already said that she could never, ever do that to me.
I have, myself, gone through periods where I didn't see my parents, once for almost two years. It had nothing to do with being or not being a JW, but was related to the fact I was finally trying to work through events in my childhood (for which they were responsible)...but the point is, eventually I came to my senses and came back to them. I never imagined I would, but when I became a parent myself I suddenly realized that they were human, and they did the best they could.
Your kids have so much more to go on than that. They have years and years of love and attention from you and their mother to draw on. Those memories will be with them every day, every time they start to reach for the phone to call you but the Borg gets in the way, it will eat at them more and more. They will realize eventually that what they're doing isn't right, and find their way back to you.
I hope with all my heart that they do. This division of families...it's the biggest mistake the Borg could make. If my family hadn't shunned me, I probably wouldn't have stayed out long enough to really question what I'd been fed all my life. But since they persist in this horrible, unloving behaviour, I have a daily reminder of why I don't ever want to be a JW again. I could never sit in judgement of my fellow man the way that they do.
I love my family to pieces. My door is always open to them, they know that. I'm sad, but I'm not bitter and every time I have happened to meet up with them (at hospitals, etc when my father was ill) I am always happy to see them. Even when they turn and walk away from me, the last thing they have seen was the genuine smile on my face and love in my eyes at seeing them. That must make them think...Sometimes they have even seen my arms extended, ready to embrace them, and turned silently away from that as well.
Keep your heart, and your door open to them, and hopefully they will find their way back.
big hugs and lots of love to you both,
essie
well what movie would you have like to have been in?
any film, at any time.
i would have to say any of the starwars films...i've always wanted to whip out my light saber, and make that "arcking" sound they make.
Definitely Star Wars. But I would've wanted to be a female Jedi, too bad they never got into developing Leia's skills in those movies, just in the books!
Jedi's rule lol
~essie
another jedi wannabe
it's that absolutely wonderful time of year again, springtime is here at last.. tumbling waterfalls, the woods first spring growth well evident, cascading swathes of bluebells enriching the forest floors, the river glistening gently in the breeze, cowbells slung from cattles necks donging pleasantly, echoeing across the hillsides, ahhhh life is so wonderfully happy and contented.. when i get the chance i'll post pictures of the landscape here which i have on disk, several hundred here.. hope one and all are well, kindest regards to those that gave me support yonks back in the past, still think of one or two of you, joy2bfree, lady lee, scully, ana in australia and the rest of the pack.. of me, i'm very well of course as usual, no baggage and feeling fantastic.
working in my dream job: garden & landscape designer, just turned self employed, before years out intend to have 4 more individuals working for/with me, everything is cool, the helford and fal rivers look stunning, my son ashton is very well, that's about it, no point in waffling further bollocks.. kind regards.
mark.
Hi Celtic! Sounds gorgeous there, would love to see pics when you can post them...
hugs
essie
"i can't wait for night to fall.
i can't wait for day to fade.
i can't wait for the dark to extinquish the sun, .
((((((((((((((Tracy, Brenda, JWsons)))))))))) thank you so much for your support, old friends, it really truly did help me get through yesterday.
Today, I feel as if I have a hangover, though I didn't touch a drop. My head pounds, maybe it's the fact I was too numb to cry, and need to have a good one and get it over with. But we'll see. Because of friends on and off the board, my heart is much, much less heavy today. I am so blessed.
Also a big huge hug to a very dear friend here (he knows who he is!) who called me last night, just feeling the support of his friendship, and the friendship of those who have posted here, helped more than you know, and more than I imagined possible. Taking the 'aloneness' out of events like this, removing the isolation and realizing that thousands of people are in the same situation...helps you keep your perspective. It's not that I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself, (honestly!) I guess I've finally learned that you have to get this stuff out as it happens, for me putting it into words and just knowing someone else has seen it is very validating. Letting it ride around inside my head bottled up...just prolongs the agony.
I'll spend a quiet day today, gratefully reflecting on the kindness you've all shown me here and hopefully catching up on some e mails. My new e mail address is [email protected] if anyone wants to let me know what's new with them.
I've missed so many of you, so much more than I had realized. Simon, Angharad, thank you again for this place. I hope to help others here as much as you've all helped me.
thanks again, everyone.
love,
essie
ps.JWsons, the asthma still bites. just finished another round of steroids after a bout of pneumonia. it's always something, you know? Please write and let me know how you've been!
and Tracy, give your hubby a big hello from me, please! I always ask for updates on how you two are from your sweet sister :)
.
i was gone all day today, and when i returned dave told me an elder and his wife had called on mom today, and when he left, he approached dave in the yard, and arranged to come here tomorrow after their meeting, with another elder to talk to the two of us.. the noose is tightening.
we are babysitting the grandkids, so haven't been able to talk about strategy.. stay tuned..............i'll update you tomorrow afternoon.
yikes, uh oh indeed...my stomach just knotted seeing the words 'elders' and 'visit' in the same sentence. Best of luck with the meeting, I will be looking for an update tomorrow night...
((((((((((Mulan and Dave))))))))You know I'm here for you if you need to vent!
love,
essie
"i can't wait for night to fall.
i can't wait for day to fade.
i can't wait for the dark to extinquish the sun, .
wow...
thanks fruitcake, and thank you so much Nathan, that was incredible. From one poet to another, please thank your friend for me for their words.
That should be on the web permanently, Freeminds has a poetry section, is it there yet? It should be...
thank you
hugs
essie
grrrrrr need to vent !.
ok of my two step sisters the one who was punched in the mouth for not going to the meeting and left the "truth" me and her get on so well and i love her to bits.
the other one is a jw and a nasty b*tch, she lives with her non jw mum in preperation for moving to los angeles in september.. non jw sister called me the other day to say that she has an audition for pop idol and she has produced a song to be sent to record companies, i am proud of her and know someone at a record company so i am going to e mail the song to her, but needed to call sisters mum to ask her to e mail it to me, we get on well so no probs there, when i called jw sis answers the phone, not recognising my voice passes me on to her mother, we have a little chat and she says "its matt on the phone, you wanna speak to him" answer a big firm "no", this girl has only ever sponged off me, last time she spoke to me was to ask me for money, when i said no that was it, no more contact !
((((((((((((((((Mattnoel)))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry. I have had lots, lots of awful interactions (before she started totally shunning me!) with my oldest sister...I'm so sad you and your sweet sis have to go through dealing with this crud.
As Scully said, it's in one way a mercy that they behave this way, if not for that, who knows, maybe we'd have gone back into the Borg.
Big hugs, to both of you...wish her best of luck with her music!
~essie
